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Monday, August 15, 2016

The Interrogation Of Nivens McTwisp

    The darkness seemed to clear, my head started to pound and the body ached like someone had pulled me through a clothes wringer machine. Looking around, I see that I am in a dimly lit room with white florescent light lining the ceiling . 

    Looking out the solitary window, all I see are stars and a lonely moon travelling across the sky. I rubbed my head wishing the awful splitting headache away. My legs are weak as if all the energy had been drained out of my system. As the pounding headache and body aches disappear, I look around and see a man sitting across from me and another man leaning against the far wall. I start to inquire why I am being interrogated and what I am being charged for.

    “Hello. I am Detective Sam and that’s Detective Ryan. It seems like you have regained your senses. I need you to explain to me once again what you were doing at the tavern.” Asked the investigating officer as he flashed me his badge..

    I started to gentle massage my forehead to get rid of hangover induced headache. A glass of water and a bottle of Asprin appeared before me. As the headache receded, memories rushed back and I remembered the turn of events that led to this.

    All I was doing was sitting on a garden chair while listening to one of my relatives telling me the importance of getting married as early as possible to any woman in town even if she is a total stranger and having a few dozen kids. I was getting bored listening to my aunts babble which went on and on.

    My attention started to wander around and I noticed a girl wearing a knee length one piece skirt and pocket watch emerge from one of the hedges located near me. Seeing that she had caught my attention she muttered “My names is Alice. Have you seen a rabbit anywhere? Harvey wanted to go on an adventure but I can’t find him anywhere. and “Oh my ears and whiskers! I'm late, I'm late I'm late!” as she stared at the pocket watch as she ran past. I got up and started to chase her to inquire about her nonexistent whiskers and what she’s late for.

    My clothes started to tear, and scratches appeared as I hopped through neatly trimmed hedges and the chase lead through grassy plains. In the distance, I saw a huge tree and the blabbering girl standing underneath gesturing me to hurry up. As I neared, my heart skipped a beat as I saw her jump into a hole.

    I stood at the edge and peered into the dark hole. Nothing could be seen. I mumbled and then yelled “Hello. Hello. You okay down there?” But I heard no response. Seconds turned into minutes and I assumed the worst. I turned around and started to hop away when I heard an echoing voice “Want to munch on something that says Eat me? Meet a hooka smoking caterpillar sitting on a huge mushroom asking you if you want to get high as a kite, find dragons in the fridge and drink its blood to make your wishes come true?”

    I said “Of course. What do I do? I can’t see a dang thing down there. I haven’t brought along a torch and I hope you aren’t expecting me to jump down there.”

    Alice’s head popped out of the ground and she heaved herself up till her elbows were resting on the grassy ground. Looking upwards, I saw the sun peeking through the leaves as if trying to figure out what’s happening under the tree shade. Looking at the blond haired girl, I saw that the face had turned beet red in anger as she stared at me and yelled “Look here mister what’s your name. I can’t do everything for you and if you didn’t remember to bring along a torch and something to lower yourself then that’s your bad luck. Why don’t you try jumping down here you old fart?”

    I woke up and let out a loud groan. My body ached and I wondered how many bones had broken as I fell into the hole. Looking around, I saw a room with multiple doors with a table located in the center. On the table was a bottle with a sign “Drink me.” With nothing else to quench my thirst, I took a gulp or two. The world started to spin and my clothes became a few sizes too large. As I emerged from under a pile of clothing, I noticed that I was totally nude and looking upwards I saw that the table size had increased it seems.

    While searching for food and drinks, I saw a familiar face. I cleared my throat and said “Awhile back, you had gotten your panties in a knot because I was taking too long. Well. I made it here. Make me a sandwich and get me a beer. While you are at it, show me the fridge full of dragons.” And officer, that’s when the fight started.

    “Well. The folks who attended the gathering at Mr. Macpherson daughters wedding reception aren’t too happy with you and the host has a different version. You got bored talking to your aunt. You wandered off and found yourself at the coffee, snacks and bar. You need to watch the Dark English Ales they had there. Alice, the bartender says you got a bit tipsy and started to strip on one of the tables. Court date in a few days. The lawyer is coming over tomorrow. And did you find any dragons in their fridge?” Replied the tired and visibly irritated officer.

    “I never got that far. And Mr. MacPherson is wrong. It wasn't the dark ales. I'm used to those. I don't remember a wedding, but remember distinctly needing something to drink.”

    The officer spat his tobacco juice he'd been hoarding in his cheek over top the chair where it landed with a splat near the corner of the gray interrogation room. “Suffice it to say, you wrecked the place, took out three fake gazebo's and turned the doves loose before the wedding party got to leave.”

    “I slightly remember a Jabbor-Wockey.”

    “No, Mr. McTwisp, they were doves, not a...a...Jabbor-Wockey.”

    “Doves you say?” Mr. McTwisp recollected no doves in any box but a huge flying nine headed Jabbor Wockey. They heard a door clang, and two sets of feet walking down the hallway. The door to the room opened, spilling in bright yellow faded florescent light from the outside.

    “Hey Fargus, his aunt is here to get him.” “Well. Lucky you.” Fargus sarcastically stated. He'd heard enough, had enough and knew enough to know that this guy was heading to Bellevue as soon as the judge could write the order out.

    “Aunt Mona!” Mr. McTwisp stood up unsteadily still on his feet, holding on to the brown industrial made chair.

    “Come on Simpson, we can't keep Harvey waiting, you know he gets agitated in these places.”

    “Yes Auntie. Where is he?”

    “Waiting out in the hall.”

    Both officers looked at each other as the one who brought her in shrugged. “Uh, ma'am, may I inquire as to whom this Harvey is? Brother? Father? Friend?”

    Aunt Mona looked at the cop like he'd just lost his head in front of her. “He's a six foot rabbit of course! Now, come on Simpson, get to hopping, we can't keep him waiting!”